Now, I'm not gonna bitch about the actual Super Bowl, because...well...as a Militant Atheist, I hate holidays (that's not true, I hated holidays before reading Harris & Dawkins) mostly because of their Religious origins (also not true, I just hate the ultra-capitalistic bullshit that they've evolved into. Yeah. That's right. EVOLVED.) So what better reason to throw a great big party than around some big Sportsball Game. Whatever. Party your brains out.
I honestly just get weirded-out by incredibly violent and mean-spirited Sports Rivalries. Weirded-Out may be the wrong word... Fascinated isn't it, but it's the best word that comes to mind. Years ago, my father was at some NASCAR event (not that he follows it, but sometimes he'd go to Daytona just for some fun) and he was wearing his usual blue Boston Red Sox hat. The very same kind of hate I traditionally wore for many years. (I'll get to that...) Well some particularly prickly New York Yankees fan comes up to my dad, a man he has never met in his life, and yelled something along the lines of "HEY!! Red Sox fucking SUCK!!"
To quote my favorite show, the Goldbergs... Who does that!?
Sports fans do that.
And this is why I don't wear hats with sportsball teams on them anymore. Thanks, Sports Fans (Assholes), you've made me give up the last vestige of simple hometown pride. I honestly don't care about the Red Sox all that much (but when they broke the Curse of the Bambino, I celebrated...and I might have watched Fever Pitch a couple times) but it was a nice reminder of where I come from. But I gave it up, cuz I got tired of Yankees Assclowns always having something to fucking say. I even switched to a hat emblazoned with my New Hometown team, the Minor League Bradenton Marauders...which is a "B".
And I still got questions about fucking Boston.
Like, what the fuck, people? I know they've been going away from the official colors and shit, making all-black, or pink for the ladies, but for crying out loud, the "B" is a different shape and the RED Sox wouldn't use Black and Gold!! (Those are Pittsburg Colors...go Pirates...) So fuck it. I adopted the pork pie look instead. Fuck your stupid team.
I've gotten away from the point...
The rivalry between Kansas & Missouri goes back to before the Civil goddamn War. Bleeding Kansas, motherfucker. Look that shit up. Now. ...I'll wait...
Good, now then... That's some serious shit. But it's also really fucking stupid. Michigan & Ohio State, same deal. Except without the slavery thing. I think... I'll have to do some research. My point is, it's fucking stupid, and people will fucking fight over anything. Even College Football Teams they never fucking played for and never goddamn went to school with. What the fuck? Why is this okay?
And to be honest, I'm a little sketchy when it comes to Professional Sports Teams. These are grown men being paid MILLIONS OF DOLLARS to play a children's game. Millions. Of American Dollars. Have you ever actually thought about that for a minute? They complain about not being paid enough to pass a fucking ball around like a fucking dingus, meanwhile, I can barely make rent.
Some of you are in the same boat.
Silly isn't it? But I don't mean to rain on your Super Bowl Party. I know it's just the way things are and there's nothing I can do about it. Fuck The System, I guess. But most of you don't care and are barely paying attention anyway.
Get back to your party. And Go Sportsball.
(PS. I might be from Boston, but I think all the "deflated ball" memes are hilarious!!)
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