It's The Purple One That Says "Bad Mother Fucker" On It

When you see a soft drink that's Artificially Colored Purple...what flavor immediately comes to mind? I'll even give you a moment to think about that. ... ... Grape, right? Pretty simple. Ubiquitous even. I'm sure that 72% of you agree. The other 28% are Contrarian Trolls or you work for MiO Liquid Water Enhancers (a division of Kraft Foods...I like their cheese...).

You see, I'm trying to drink more H2O rather than soda. It's cheaper (mostly), there's less sugar (again, mostly), and it probably way more healthy (not that it's ever that much of a concern). But Modern Man simply cannot subsist on water exclusively (you need food, too). And to be honest, I'm not really digging the taste of the water at the Shop. I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure the boss just fills old 5 gallon jugs with tap water from a hose. But who am I to complain? (Right?)

So instead of bitching about something stupid to people who allow me to collect a paycheck which keeps a roof over my head, I decided to try out that MiO stuff. A few friends have tried it and told me it was...aah...pretty okay. That's about the best I could get, anyway. But why not, right? I can make it strong like Coca-Cola™ or weak like Vitamin Water©. My choice.

Oh!! I get the product name now!! Wow, that's clever!!

Kidding.

Now, this isn't a rant on how shitty their product is. It's everything that I hoped it would be. And by that I mean...aah...pretty okay. I mean it's just Sugar Juice to make my cruddy tap water not taste quite so "tappy". My complaint is that their stupid fucking bullshit marketing and color system made me buy a flavor I never would have picked if I had been aware of what I was buying. Or...you know...if I had actually been paying attention.

While I was grocery shopping (this time I was actually buying MORE than just cat food) I cruised over to the "Powdered Drink" aisle and scoped out the MiO section. Okay, cool. There's even generic store brand alternatives for slightly cheaper. But I wanted to go Brand Name on this, at least to try it out. What can I say, advertising works.

Being that my favorite flavor of Gatorade© (the closest equivalent that I've experienced) happens to be FIERCE Grape™, I purposely and directly reach out and grab the "Purple" bottle. You know, color of Royalty and all that? Didn't even look at the flavor name, just instinctual knowledge.

Well, I brought it to work this morning, with the intention of immediately trying this new-fangled drink flavoring system. And sure as shit...it looked like FIERCE Grape Gatorade©. Well...more like the Gatorade Rain©, you know...the "watered down" crap they tried to push on us to compete with Vitamin Water™ (a Glaceau™ product)? Point being, it looked good.

So I took a sip.

It didn't hit me at first...but after a couple minutes, it dawned on me. This ain't no motherfuckin' Grape Drank.

Nope. I looked at the bottle, and low & behold...Berry Pomegranate. Berry...FUCKING... Pomegranate. I don't drink goddamn Pomegranate Juice. You know who does? Douche-bag Middle Class Snobs with "Refined" Taste. I'm a Working Class Avenger. I drink Grape Drank, motherfucker.

But to be honest, I wasn't all that angry. It didn't taste horrible; it just wasn't the flavor my mind and taste buds were expecting. Fuckers.

The irony (?) of this whole scenario is that I bought two (2) different flavors. The other flavor was colored blue, and I certainly checked what flavor it was cuz we all know that not every Blue Flavor is the same. This one was Blueberry Lemonade. And it was fucking excellent.