Bar hopping. I don’t fuckin’ get it.
You see, when I go out, I go to one place and plan to stay for the duration of the evening. The next time I get into my car should theoretically be to go home, jerk-off and go to bed. That is, unless there’s a sweet after party somewhere. Preferably Erik!’s house. But it seems to me that many of my friends go out and plan to hit 4 or more local establishments in one evening. That seems awfully silly to me. Not to say I’m not guilty of it myself, it’s just not my usual modus operandi.
I’m not the guy who usually carries cash on me. As much of a Luddite that I am, I’ve embraced the concept of the debit card. This comes from my impatience at bar inefficiency. Anything I can do to help the bartender to quickly get my drink and get the fuck out of there helps me enjoy my night more. (speaking of which, if ever own or operate an establishment I’m gonna institute a 3 foot section where you get your drink, pay, and move out. No fuckin’ parking.)
ANYWAYS There are primarily only 2 or 3 places I frequent anymore. McCabe’s Irish Pub, InCahoots, and Clancy’s Irish Sports Pub, all located in Bradenton, FL. Bar hopping to these establishments is absolutely inefficient (and possibly dangerous) as they are literally spread out all the way across town and I fucking hate driving cuz It’s time spent “not having a good time” so Fuck That.
Sure, I could spend the evening in Downtown, but I really dislike the other bars there, especially on a weekend cuz the places are wall to wall d-bags who want to listen to Buckcherry and Sublime all fuckin’ night. That and it takes twenty minutes to get a Pabst and that’s too goddamn long to wait for cheap beer. So if I go, I stay at McCabe’s, get hammered and drive home which is quite literally 4 minutes away. I timed it using Billy Joel as a reference. I’m a nerd.
InCahoots…halfway across town, Clancy’s, the other half. And going home I have to go thru the intersection at Manatee Ave. and 15th Street. I despise that intersection so fucking much. But, I deal with it to visit Trixie or Kelly and the rest of the gaggle that I call friends. And it’s fun. Most of the time.
Another thing that bothers me about bar hoppers is I do karaoke. I take it kinda seriously to the point that I’ve been called a karaoke snob. That’s an entirely different rant altogether. But when I go to say, McCabe’s on a Tuesday night, there’s often quite a line-up, which can be a great thing. But when a small crowd of drunk ass-clowns comes in, crowds up the space at the bar, then crowds up the karaoke rotation, I’m not only waiting an extra 10 minutes for my PBR or wine spritzer (whichever mood I’m in that particular occasion) but now I’m waiting an extra hour and a half during the prime part of the night to sing my next song.
These people come in, buy one drink a piece, insist on getting up to sing and they’re not only most of the time terrible, but their song choices are an abysmal example of shitty goddamn taste. Please, I don’t want to hear your rendition of “Santeria” or Heaven forbid, “Bohemian-fucking-Rhapsody”… And for the love of God (or Allah or Ganesha…) please stop hollering out shit like “941!! Represent!!” You’re a fucking white, frat-boy douche-bag, so go to the Roo or the Distillry and fucking stay there.
However, there have been times that I go out and I’m not really…I dunno…feeling the place, as they say in the parlance of our times. I’ve been known to leave and check out another joint. Hopefully it happens quickly, but I’ve seen the mood of a place change sometimes mid-way thru the night. Usually if I haven’t found my niche by say, 11:30 pm, I call it a night, go home and watch Gummi Bears. There have been times I spent almost an entire evening at McCabe’s, lost interest and slid on down to Cahoots and had more fun in the last hour than that whole previous 4 or 5. It happens…and it bugs me.
But them’s the breaks, and I always feel like I miss out on the really fun parties else where, but dammit I’m not acquiescing to this sort of behavior. Driving sucks, and I’m not spending my time doing that rather than just parking my ass in one place and drinking till I can’t feel feelings anymore.
Maybe it’s just me, and maybe I’m an asshole. I’ve been called worse by better. I just don’t understand it, and I’m gonna stand up and say bar hopping is not the way things should be. Bring me another wine spritzer.
Thanks for reading…
--------------------------------------Evil Jaymz
