Depending on your own personal sensibilities and your own personal concept of Racism...aaahhh...this might get a little intense. So, ah...there's a possibility that you might wanna stop yourself right the fuck here...
So...tonight...last night...when-the-fuck-ever... I kinda sorta got kicked the fuck outta New World Brewery in Ybor City. It was my own fucking fault, and I take full, personal responsibility for it. My Own Personal Bad...if you will.
Listen. I had a fucking great fucking night. I got to travel to Tampa without having to goddamn drive (always a fucking plus) and I got to get...relatively hammered on reasonably priced Past Blue Ribbon (which is a feat unto itself, despite what you may think about drinking cheap, shitty beer). I got to see some good friends play a fantastic set, and I experienced some great independent musicians do...their thing...
Then...well...I made a pretty shitty mistake. I grabbed one more beer for "the road" and as my good friend was paying his tab, I casually said, "Oh, look at this Fancy Nigga, with his Fancy-ass Bank Account..."
And that, ladies & gents, is where I went wrong.
The bartender serving my friend looks at me and asks "What did you just say?" And I, as a fucking douch-y white motherfucker, tried to play it off saying "Look at this 'motherfucker' with his fancy-ass bank account..."
But no. He full-on calls me on my shit, and say "No...What. Did. You. Just. Say..?"
Busted. I used a...semi-racial epithet. And I owned up to it, cuz he's absolutely NOT WRONG to call me out. However, he...basically flips his shit. And me, as an actual NON-Racist, accept that I committed a social faux-pas, and excuse myself, apologizing profusely. It was the end of the night, and I just wanted to go home without causing a real incident.
Owning up to my stupid bullshit, let me give you some perspective. It was NOT an African-American (to use a stupid euphemism) gentleman giving me shit. It was a fucking White Dude. I'm sitting here at a STRAIGHT UP hipster bar, making a fucking idiotic, semi-racial comment about a friend's financial situation...and this guy just loses his mind.
Like I said, I removed myself with what I considered an empathetic and sincere apology. And I go to my other friends saying "Hey, we gotta get going soon, I think I just pissed off one of the staff." And I start chugging my PBR. Well my buddy (the guy with said Bank Account) comes out with this overly sensitive purveyor of alcohol somewhat in tow, still having a conniption fit over apparent racism, trying to halt the situation before it goes into a complete meltdown. And as my buddy is making HIS apologies pretty much on my behalf, I look the man in the eye and I assure him that I'm not the White Supremacist he may have pegged me as. It was a slip of the tongue (so to speak) and it was incredibly insensitive of me.
And he...well, doesn't look me in the eye, cuz I'm about 30-40 lbs larger than him, but he goes on about how I wouldn't say "that word" in front of an ACTUAL Black Guy...I wouldn't say it if "his wife" was sitting there, right?
And there it was. This man was involved in an interracial relationship. Okay. As an actual NON-Racist, I find interracial relationships absolutely beautiful. It's a testament to the love and beauty that we as human beings are truly capable of. But this guy has a fucking chip on his shoulder. And with obvious good reason. He and his wife have probably had to deal with some real shit. Some REAL racist bullshit. From people who represent the worst that our American society has to offer.
And my heart goes out. I was wrong. And I know this and I have absolutely zero fucking pride and can admit that I fucked up and I said something wildly inappropriate. And I apologized. Like...6 fucking times. And I just tried to make that abundantly fucking clear and only wanted a handshake in perfect human solidarity. But this guy? No. He was absolutely not having it. Wouldn't shake my hand; would not accept a heartfelt apology.
And that's his own personal Hell.
Because I know, that in MY life, I've been reprimanded for wearing a shirt that said "I LOVE BLACK PEOPLE" ...cuz the assholes I worked for are fucking racist cunts. And fuck them and their children's children.
Just like every fucking white asshole...some of my friends are black. No, I'm not kidding. And I've used the word "nigga" WITH the soft 'a' in their fucking presence and not felt any racial heat. (I'm not absolutely 100% sure that they didn't get at least a little offended, but it's on THEM to go ahead and say something to me) I'm not above being wrong.
Was it wrong of me to say it? Possibly yes. But seriously, bro...it's the goddamn 21st Century. We don't all hate Black People anymore. And to any of my ethnically African friends who get offended if I use that culturally ubiquitous term...my apologies. I never want to make you feel like less of an American or less than a human being. And if you feel like I'm wrong, then come correct me. I'm not gonna cop a fucking idiot white-boy attitude and I will adjust myself accordingly. Real Talk™.
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