I wrote this about year ago when I was still down in Venice...
I fuckin’ hate bikers.
Now I’m not talking about Motorcycle Clubs like the Hell’s Angels, the Mongols, and Bradenton’s own “beloved” Renegades. I’m talking about bicyclists. What my personal hero Denis Leary refers to as Bike Assholes.
My good friend and former drummer, Craig Machine is a cycling enthusiast. He actually competes semi-professionally in bike races all over Florida. And hey, that’s cool. It’s kept him in the best shape of his life, and barring…certain incidents…has kept him in great health.
I, myself, used to enjoy a good ride once in awhile. It was even my main form of transportation for a few months. But unfortunately I had a bad accident out on 301 Blvd where I almost died cuz it was dark as fuck and I tumbled over a damn culvert. Also, since my kneecap exploded, riding a bicycle is actually quite painful.
You see, in my quaint little neighborhood of South Venice, we have this queer little bike club that likes to ride up and down the main fuckin’ highway a couple times a week. I myself have had a run in with them that broke down to a shouting match with me telling them to stay off the main goddamn roadway.
There’s a nice big park in my ‘hood called Shamrock Park that they can ride around in all fuckin’ day. The County has spent untold thousands of dollars building the “Legacy Trail” that goes from the Park all the way to Clark Road and McIntosh. That’s 20 fucking miles of pathway for them to ride their gay little bikes without disrupting traffic, or possibly getting creamed by some teenage shithead doing 50 miles per hour down Shamrock Drive.
And that’s not even the half of it. There’s also hundreds of miles of backroad they can ride on, that gets very little traffic. I know this because I grew up in this area, and I know those backroads by heart having ridden them for over 10 years. And in that time I was never once hit by a car.
The reason I bring this up is that there was some kind of Traffic Meeting sometime last week or so concerning the speed limit on Shamrock Drive. From what I understand they’re probably going to lower it to, like 25 MPH from the perfectly safe 30 MPH.
Now I don’t really mind them lowering the speed limit. Sure, in my own teenage years I used to barrel down the road like the proverbial “Bat Out of Hell”. However, since I’ve grown up (and got sick of getting speeding tickets) I’ve kept my speed down. Hey, there are children who live on this street, and I live here, too.
If the city or county or whoever is in charge of this particular ‘burg is honestly concerned with the safety of the people who populate this neighborhood, then sure, I’m all for it.
I’m pretty sick of people hauling balls thru my neck of Shamrock, causing property damage and noise pollution. I once watch some assclown plow thru my neighbor’s mailbox with zero compunction to stop and make restitution. Actually that was kinda funny, but goddammit, this is my neighborhood, and what if some pedestrian was walking there? There are a lot of them cuz the Park is right across from my house.
However, if they’re only lowering the speed limit cuz some faggot-ass special interest group wants to ride their bikes on the highway, then FUCK THAT. These people don’t really live here. These are rich assholes from Stonehaven, or Chestnut Creek or the Island who come over here to ride their fucking bikes down my road. I’m sorry, but that is bullshit.
I don’t go to their pissant fucking neighborhoods and tell them what to do, so don’t come to mine. At all.
This really just boils down to one of my major personality points. I hate rich people. It’s these rich fucks with their $6000 dollar custom bikes, their skin tight yellow body suits, and goofy-ass helmets who have nothing better to do than harass regular blue-collar people and start throwing their weight around with the local government.
Hey fuck-face, we live here, you don’t, so stay the fuck home.
Right at this moment they’re completing a bridge over the US 41 By-pass to connect the south end of the Legacy Trail to the north end. So they’re tying up traffic on a MAJOR highway just so rich douche-bags can travel from one end of the county to the other. Isn’t that enough for you people?
No, of course it isn’t.
I suppose it doesn’t really matter. I’m gearing up to move away from the shit-splat town forever. But it’s the goddamn principle. Fucking rich assholes…
ThanXXX for reading, and sorry for the gay epithets. I promise, I don’t hate gay people. Just rich people.
-------------------------------------------Jaymz
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